|
|
| |
| Fri, Sep. 5, 2008 |  |
 |
|
||
| |
A few tricks for '06 Tuesday, Jan 3, 2006 By John Brummett Here are a few predictions for this shiny new 2006. I figure I'm pretty safe with these. Mike Huckabee will abandon his run for the Republican presidential nomination. He will announce that, upon leaving the governor's office. he'll replace that pitiable Colmes guy as the liberal counterpart of Hannity on Fox News. Hannity and Huckabee sounds better. Huckabee and Hannity, better still. Janet Huckabee will hurt somebody before it's over. The Legislature will do some stuff on schools. The Supreme Court will rule some stuff on schools. Hillary Clinton, trying to Southernize herself for the presidential run in 2008, will come with a gun to Arkansas on a duck-hunting trip with her husband. Bill will be carried from the duck blind with a gunshot wound to the upper thigh region, purely accidental, they will say. Bill will recover, then move in with George Bush the Elder and Barbara, the latter of whom will end up apologizing to Jeb, Marvin and Neil, but not George W., after referring to Bill as the son she never had. Mark Pryor will vote against the Democratic filibuster on Samuel Alito, saying opposition to Roe v. Wade is no reason to keep a man off the Supreme Court. Amid a strong Democratic backlash, Pryor will ponder whether to switch to the Republicans. David and Barbara will fly instantly to Washington, where Mark will soon be seen with a knot jerked in his head. The Clinton library will be put on wheels and tractored over to Hot Springs for a while. Marion Berry will hurt somebody before it's over. Bill Halter will say he was just kidding. Asa Hutchinson, fearing the weirdness is wearing off, will drop out of the governor's race to re-enroll at Bob Jones University. Mike Beebe will be elected yet again without an opponent. Lu Hardin will get his own show in the Will & Grace time slot. A movie in which two gay cowboys make out will win the Oscar, and Republicans will respond with some kind of constitutional amendment. Brad Pitt's decision will make more and more sense. John Daly will have the Masters in hand, but, at "Amen Corner" on Sunday, explode. Mitch Mustain will announce he's sick of football and plans to attend Brown to study art history. Matt Jones will end up playing for the Twisters. And the RimRockers. Razorback quarterback Casey Dick will change his name so that the nutty editor of the Little Rock newspaper will rescind his rule saying Casey's last name may never be used in a headline. Casey will ponder Nutt, Bush and Johnson, then reject those and become Casey Mustain. Hog fans will call him "Mustang." The Razorbacks will lose five conference games. Houston Nutt will gnaw off his entire arm. It will come out that the defensive coordinators at Alabama, Auburn, Tennessee, South Carolina and LSU went out and got Gus Malzahn's book, and read it. Well, a couple of them had to have it read to them. Since Frank Broyles will still be on his honeymoon, Jim Lindsey will fire Nutt directly and hire away Steve Roberts from ASU and Clint Conque from UCA as co-head coaches. It'll be a smart-aleck columnist ... that Janet Huckabee will hurt, I mean. ------- John Brummett is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau in Little Rock. His e-mail address is jbrummett@arkansasnews.com; his telephone number is (501) 374-0699. |
