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Easter Bunny should strike for better benefits Saturday, Mar 22, 2008 By Micki Bare Santa has a magical sleigh with eight flying reindeer - nine if you include Rudolph - and the Tooth Fairy has wings. But the Easter Bunny has to hippity-hop to every child's house without the aid of a vehicle or the ability to fly. Not only does the Easter Bunny have to visit all the children of the world in one night just like Santa, he has to carry loads of fragile Easter eggs along his journey. Sure, he has plenty of marshmallow Peeps to cushion his big basket. But with all the hopping, even the absorption power of marshmallows could not possibly be enough to keep all the eggs safe along the way. And speaking of the basket, it seems like an awfully difficult way to transport goodies to children. Santa has a big velvety bag that can be easily slung over his shoulder, and he gets to plop it down in his sleigh between stops. Meanwhile, the Easter Bunny has to hop around with an awkward basket, probably made of itchy straw, all night long without reprieve. Santa gets to drop off toys and be on his way. But the Easter Bunny has to hide eggs after delivering his treats. Hiding eggs is not as easy as it sounds, either. If Santa has adverse weather, he simply calls upon Rudolph and it is business as usual. But for the Easter Bunny, weather can affect egg-hiding decisions throughout the trip. Will it rain, snow or become too cold before morning? Adverse weather results in the decision to hide all the eggs inside. In such a situation, eggs might be hidden in multiple rooms, such as the kitchen, living room and bedrooms. In areas where the weather will be mild, sunny and dry, the Easter Bunny will opt to hide all the eggs outside. Good weather could mean eggs in the front and back yards and on the porch. When the weather is dry, but a little chilly, the Easter Bunny will opt to provide for indoor and outdoor egg hunt fun. The indoor eggs can be retrieved early, while it's still cool outside. Then, after Easter morning services, children can look forward to an outdoor egg-finding expedition. Once the decisions are made, there is the stress of actually hiding the eggs. Some have to be somewhat obviously "hidden" for the little ones to easily find. Some have to be hidden more creatively to challenge older children. When hiding inside a house, the Easter Bunny must hop quietly around looking for safe hiding places that won't result in a squished egg, say between the cushions of the couch, or a never-to-be-found egg that will emit horrid odors a few weeks after Easter. The outside eggs present different challenges. The ones balanced on tree branches must be stable enough not to fall and break. And as the Easter Bunny is searching for the perfect outdoor hiding spot, he has to gauge whether or not a child will trample mom's daylilies and tulips during the hunt. So you see, the Easter Bunny has the most difficult job of all the childhood characters. That is why I support a strike for the Easter Bunny. I urge the Easter Bunny to put down his basket and hold out for improved working conditions. His list of demands should include a magical transport. My suggestion would be a brightly colored magic carpet pulled by flying baby chicks. And since chicks are much smaller than reindeer, he should have a team of no less than 16. The Easter Bunny should also be allowed to use a more practical means for carrying eggs, candy and other goodies. The bag concept could be used for the candy and goodies, though it would need to be redesigned to reflect the spring season. Pastel colors and lots of zigzag, stripe and dot patterns would be wonderful. To ensure optimal egg safety, there are lots of great inventions floating around middle schools where the famous egg-drop experiment is conducted annually. I'd suggest the Easter Bunny work with adolescent students to come up with a safe, lightweight egg transport system. The Easter Bunny should have a direct link to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration at all times to enable him to make weather-related decisions quickly and easily throughout the night. Finally, the Easter Bunny should be supported by a staff of leprechauns. They can tap into their professional connections with the rainbow for egg dying in preparation for the holiday. Also, they are good at concealing things - think gold - which qualifies them to assist with egg-hiding work. Until all of the above demands are met, I feel the Easter Bunny should leave the eggs in the fridge, kick up his giant feet and relax. ------- Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C. She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@earthlink.net. |
