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The tradition of neckties passes from mother to son Saturday, Jun 14, 2008 By Micki Bare It was a typical son and mother, last possible moment exchange. As we prepared to pull out of the driveway on our way to my oldest's spring band concert, he mentioned that he had to wear the tie that was dangling around his neck, but had no idea how to tie it. Normally, I would have deflected such a masculine cry for help to Hubby. He rather enjoys mentoring the boys along their journey to manhood, which from where I sit doesn't differ all that much from boyhood. However, as insanely packed schedules of families with children would have it, Hubby was already on his way to the park. Our youngest had a baseball game. The middle child, as is the case for all the middles of the world, was left to walk to his ball game. But please, don't feel sorry for him. Normally we make it to his games. And when we cannot make it, well, he is a teenager and perfectly capable of walking the eighth of a mile to the ball field where his team plays. Meanwhile, a limp tie hung haphazardly around my oldest son's neck. He was looking rather spiffy, otherwise. For a skateboarding, creative, free-spirited, long-haired teen, he cleans up rather well. "Give me the tie," I said as we backed out of the driveway. Had I known I would be working on the tie, I would have insisted he drive. But we were already securely belted and in motion, so I decided to tie it at the first red stop light on the way. The plan would have worked well had I remembered exactly how to tie a necktie. At first, I was confident that I could tie it around my neck, then loosen it up, pull it off my head and hand it to my son to slip on and tighten around his collar. My confidence derived from 80's fashion. When I was in high school and college during that particular decade, we wore oversized men's shirts with skinny neckties. This ensemble went well with jeans, skirts and jumpers. Then again, my generation also colored their hair with all the primary colors, used glue to spike the hair they didn't shave off and made piercing body parts a hobby. While I did not shave off half my hair or pierce anything other than my ears a couple of times each, I did wear neckties a lot. Some were purchased at the mall. But after I begged and begged and then provided proof from magazines that girls WERE in fact wearing them, my dad finally gave me some of his old ties. Then my dad did something he never pictured when the doctor announced that I was a girl. He took some time and taught his MTV-watching, flipped-up collar-donning teenaged girl how to tie a necktie. Trying to conjure up memories of Dad's lessons, I tied my son's tie at the first red light we encountered. However, when I took it off and reviewed my handiwork, it was clear that my lack of tie-wearing during the nineties and beyond had taken its toll. The skinny end was on the outside and the fat end was crookedly hanging beneath a lumpy knot. At the next red light, I tried again. On my second attempt, the knot didn't hold, resulting in the tie slipping apart on the exchange. Luckily, we were running late, so we hit yet another red light. By then I was exasperated. My son, who I thought lacked the gene that motivates a person to hurry, worry or become frazzled, was suddenly concerned and impatient. "I thought you could tie that thing?" he questioned as I began my third attempt. "I can! It's coming back to me. I've almost got it figured out," I said as he watched for the light to turn green and I struggled with the two ends of the tie, wrapping, tucking and pulling. Just before the light changed, I gently pulled the tie over my head and handed it to my son. He rolled his eyes, put it over his head, and pulled it tight under his collar. Two minutes later, he was bounding out of the car with his tie securely and stylishly in place. But not before thanking his mom and assuring her he would learn the craft of tying a necktie soon. The teenager that jumped into the car at the house morphed into the young man making his way through the crowd to prepare for a performance thanks to that simple, manly, fabric accessory. Waiting for the performance to begin, I reflected on those moments with my dad. And now that I am the mother of three boys, I felt grateful that the creative fashions of the 80's pushed me to learn how to tie a man's necktie. ------- Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions." She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@inspiredscribe.com. |
