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Effective couples therapy at 65 miles per hour Saturday, Jul 26, 2008 By Micki Bare For those couples feeling the need to strengthen their bonds and work through the issues of life, counseling is an option. However, there is an alternative that could be as effective, less costly and less time consuming: The road trip. If you can survive 30 hours on the road with your significant other, then your relationship can weather anything. The open road is the perfect place to air out frustrations and work through problems. And if you do make it home together and alive, your relationship will be cemented for eternity. There are a few rules the couple must follow for this type of therapy to work. The most important rule is no passengers. Alone on the open highways, the couple can be sincere and candid with each other about anything. They can say whatever comes to mind, using any words they so choose, at any time, provided that the windows are rolled up. The couple does not have to worry about nosy neighbors overhearing a descriptive, voluble, verbal altercation. Other drivers on the road won't notice whether the couple is aggravated or elated, as they are wrapped up in their own conversations on their cell phones. Even if a passing motorist does notice a clearly heated debate, he most likely would assume that you are both yelling and flailing arms at the truck that just muscled his way into the fast lane or the teenager who swerved while texting his girlfriend, changing the CD and eating a double bacon burger and large fries washed down with a super-caffeinated carbonated sweet beverage. And that brings us to rule number two: No fast food. The couple must pack all drinks, snacks and meals required for the trip. Whoever is not on driving duty at the time must serve the one who is behind the wheel unless you collectively choose to stop and picnic at a rest stop. Each participant shall be responsible for picking food before the trip. However, all foodstuffs must be packed together, intertwined amongst the ice in the cooler or around the paper towels and utensils in the box. By not succumbing to the convenience of fast food and drive-throughs, the couple will have to work through problem-solving exercises such as estimating how long a tomato and Swiss cheese sandwich will last in a plastic baggie floating in mostly melted ice water. You might think that couples counseling would be more effective with the assistance of a mediator. I do concede that a mediator keeps things in perspective. That is why rule number three is: A couple may not embark on a therapeutic road trip without a GPS built into the vehicle or plugged into the auxiliary outlet. Ms. GPS will moderate the trip by first giving the couple an estimated time of arrival for the destination. Then, for every infraction, Ms. GPS will deduct time, pushing the arrival time further and further into the future. The couple's lack of ability to work together toward a common goal ? arriving at Uncle Fred and Aunt Bertha's house ? will result in more time in the car for the purpose of fine tuning their ability to communicate, compromise and collaborate. At one point on our own road trip through the northeast, Ms. GPS became so frustrated with Hubby and me that she actually depicted our car floating in the Hudson River. Hubby and I decided two things at that moment. First, we must have purchased the old world Italian model GPS. Second, maybe we could come to an agreement regarding the value of veggie chips as a breakfast choice while stuck in traffic on the George Washington Bridge. Ms. GPS also docked us time for indecisiveness as we approached toll plazas. "Do you see the cash lane?" "We're in the cash lane." "How can you tell? That truck is in the way." After several lane changes that evoked rude gesturing from other drivers, we finally agreed upon a suitable, "accepts cash" lane. Then we noted the adjusted time of arrival ? 10-minute penalty for arguing at the toll plaza. "Maybe we could purchase a temporary electronic toll pass for our next trip." "Yes, that does sound like a good idea. Then it won't matter what lane we choose and we won't lose any time." You can spend thousands of dollars on hundreds of hours with a therapist, talking things out on a couch and doing homework between sessions. Or, you can spend hundreds of dollars driving thousands of miles, stuck together in approximately 36 square feet of enclosed space, zipping along the interstates, refusing to let life, or a log truck, pass you by. I don't know about the rest of the happy couples around, but Hubby and I seem to respond well, and come home stronger and better equipped to handle the world as a team, after a strong dose of road trip. ------- Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions." She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@inspiredscribe.com. |
